Cling cling 2016

Skimm’d with champagne on ice

THINGS WE SKIMM'D IN 2015

2015 was on fleek. Adele said ‘hello.’ Bieber said ‘sorry.’ NASA said ‘hey girl hey’ to Pluto.  Ahmed made a clock. Apple  sold us a watch. Greece said ‘oops, we went broke again.’ Left Shark stole the halftime show. The 2016 election stole all the attention.  “Star Wars” really had The Force with it at the box office. The  US women’s soccer team won World Cup gold. California could have used a shower. Amy Schumer was a Trainwreck.  Floyd Mayweather’s undefeated. Ronda Rousey was not.  Paul Ryan got the promotion that he really, really didn’t want. Everyone read Hillary’s inbox. And watched “The Jinx.”  FIFA’s balls got busted. You still can’t whip/nae nae, or spell  American Pharoah’s name. Charlie Sheen has HIV. Jimmy Carter beat cancer. Kimye  had another baby, and did not name it Wild West. That was a lot. Here’s what you need to know…

ISIS…as in the group that spent the year working real hard to become a household name…while dodging airstrikes in Iraq and Syria. And recruiting supporters online to attack Westerners. See: the November attacks in Paris (a city that had already dealt with the January Charlie Hebdo attacks ), and the extremists inspired by ISIS who carried out an attack in  San Bernardino, CA.

Donald Trump…as in the billionaire with the hair that made a ‘huuuuuge’ splash. He went from ‘you’re fired’ to ‘hire me’ for prez, and he’s made a lot of friends (at the polls) and enemies (exhibits A, B, and C) on his road to the White House so far.

Climate change…as in it’s getting hot in hurr, and world leaders noticed. China decided to step up by putting a price on carbon emissions (making it more expensive for Chinese companies to pollute). And last month, pretty much every country in the world inked a deal in Paris to cut greenhouse gas emissions. Gas, passed.

Iran nuclear deal…as in after years of talks, Iran, the US, and five other world powers finally inked a BF nuclear D. It lifts sanctions against Iran in exchange for limits to its nuclear program. Israeli PM Netanyahu pre-gamed the agreement by coming to the US to tell Congress what a terrible idea it was. To which Obama said, ‘super helpful, thanks.’

Syrian Civil War...as in this is the war that never ends. The conflict between Syrian rebels and President Assad already had a lot of cooks in the kitchen. But this year, Russia had FOMO and decided to get more involved. The US is backing the moderate rebels trying to get rid of Assad, Russia is backing Assad, and all sides are supposedly focused on fighting ISIS. Key word: supposedly.

China…as in the second-largest economy in the world took a long stock market tumble. This caused global markets to reach for the Excedrin. China stepped in by letting the value of its currency, the yuan, slide. Hint: to make Chinese goods cheaper so that people would buy more of them. So far, so sorta good.

Cuba and the US...as in the two countries are Havana good time. Over the summer, the US and Cuban embassies reopened for the first time in more than 50 years. The US still has a trade embargo on Cuba, but restrictions on travel and banking have been eased. Meaning your Dad can now break out his Cuban cigar collection.

Caitlyn Jenner...as in the lady who had a more eventful 2015 than you. The former Olympian went from Bruce to Caitlyn – with a C — when she debuted her transition on the “Vanity Fair” cover heard ’round the world.

VW emissions scandal…as in the company that caught the VW Bug. It came out that VW had cheated on emissions tests to make cars look more environmentally friendly than they actually are. The company could face up to $18 billion in fines, not to mention future recalls and legal fees. It’s not easy pretending to be green.

Bill Cosby scandal…as in the actor and comedian who was recently charged with sexual assault over an incident in 2004. At least 50 women have claimed that Cliff Huxtable drugged, and in some cases sexually assaulted, them. J-e-l-l-uh oh. And earlier this year, 35 of them appeared on the cover of New York Magazine next to an empty chair to symbolize the others who weren’t photographed. He’s sued some of these women for defamation since.

Local PDs....as in the deaths of Walter Scott in South Carolina, Freddie Gray in Baltimore and Laquan McDonald  in Chicago. All three black men died, allegedly because of misconduct by police officers. Protests broke out, with people bringing up questions of racial discrimination and excessive brutality in US police forces.

Deflategate…as in the New England Patriots won the Super Bowl, but QB Tom Brady’s balls hogged all the attention. An NFL investigation found that the Patriots probably deflated game balls during the semifinal that got them to the Super Bowl — and that Brady was “at least generally aware” of it. Cue a lot of ‘who knew what and when.’ That’s still going on.

Late Night TV...as in this year’s game of ‘who’s hosting this thing anyway?’ Jon Stewart and David Letterman left their chairs. Stephen Colbert left his nation. And Trevor Noah got some big shoes to fill.

Brian Williams…as in the veteran NBC “Nightly News” anchor got a six month time-out for exaggerating an experience during his Iraq War reporting. Leading many to wonder about his other work, like his Hurricane Katrina coverage.​ Lester Holt ended up replacing him. And now BriWi is slow jamming the breaking news over at MSNBC.

Gay marriage…as in same-sex couples can have their rainbow cake and eat it too. The Supreme Court made a landmark decision to legalize gay marriage in all 50 states, no exceptions. Surprise, some states tried to force exceptions. And Kim Davis, a county clerk, had her 15 minutes when she refused to issue licenses for religious reasons. That didn’t go over well.

Cecil…as in the lion that made your FB feed explode after being killed by an American dentist in Zimbabwe. The dentist regrets it. A lot.

Pope Francis…as in the man in white brought the hype on his US vacay last fall. He also made it faster for Catholic couples to get an annulment, and allowed priests to officially forgive Catholic women who’ve gotten abortions (for one year only). Because he’s not like a regular pope, he’s a cool pope.

Things we can’t stop watching...as in shows like “Narcos,” “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,” “Empire,” and reruns of “Gilmore Girls.”

People we will miss…as in Yogi Berra, BB King, Beau Biden, Scott Weiland,  Bobbi Kristina Brown,  Stuart Scott, Oliver Sacks, EL Doctorow, Jackie Collins, and  David Carr.

Things people were saddened by...as in the shootings in Charleston, SC; San Bernardino, CA; Lafayette, LA;  Chattanooga, TN; Umpqua Community College in Oregon; a  Planned Parenthood clinic in Colorado; Roanoke, VA and more that have brought the gun control debate back into the spotlight.

Confederate flag…as in South Carolina took it down from its state capitol grounds after pics of the Charleston shooting suspect posing with the flag showed up online. A lot of other states wondered whether it was time to say goodbye as well.

Nepal earthquakes…as in the two earthquakes in the spring that killed over 8,500 and injured more than 23,000. One of them also triggered an avalanche on Mount Everest that killed at least 17 people, making it the deadliest day ever on the mountain.

The migrant crisis...as in this year, hundreds of thousands of migrants and refugees left their homes (many from the Mideast) hoping to reach a better and safer life in the EU. The rest of the world woke up to the crisis when they saw the photos of three-year-old Syrian refugee Aylan Kurdi , who washed up on a beach in Turkey after drowning trying to get there. The EU’s still trying to figure out how exactly to deal with all this, especially amid security concerns.

The Fed…as in everyone’s favorite tease finally put out and raised interest rates for the first time since the financial crisis. Mazel.

The Dress…as in the blue and black dress that ended friendships and broke the Internet. Or was it white and gold?